Date : Thursday, June 11, 2009
Time : 11:15 PM
Title : Struggling.

im like going crazy,
over some issues here and there,
feel like shutting myself up& not caring.
just feel so frustrated. i dont know why, it's just pissing me off.
every single little bit of it.it always happen during the june holidays.
how i wished i could work, so i can just think bout earning money.
not any of the issues im worrying now. head just feel so heavy.
dont know what's wrong with the world. even mapling has troubles.
fuck la. i just hate being with my father, i wonder why didnt i support divorce at that moment.
all i can think is dying. why am i such a loser that cant do anything right,
all i did was cry when something goes wrong, had been crying for 2 days.
felt so tired of it, but if something goes wrong again, i can only cry.
sighs. what kind of shitty life i have. shitty parent, caused all that.
whatever i want i cant get, either short of cash, or it's not allowed.
what is wrong seh, i just dont get it. every single thing is started by father.
i cant go against his means, i just cant. maybe im just a coward. i dont dare.
i dare not to break a great father's heart, i cant bear to not care his thoughts.
i he just have he way through to get into my head and hit my weakness.
the most fragile part of me, i just him that way. i wonder why cant he dont care and let me go.
maybe it's his frigging ego that's causing all that, but he's nice at times.
but most of the time he's bad.
im struggling hard to get the freedom i want, the kind of life i want.
it's so hard to be a girl. so many restrictions. so much that it's gonna suffocate me.
too much, there's a huge cage around me, locking me up. with all kind of shitty thing squeezed in the cage with me. making me feeling so terrible. i fucking hate life.